Other Fictions

The Shade House
by Celeste Hollister

I am sitting in the corner of a dark room, my thoughts drifting in and out like gauze curtains. I am
alone and my breath fills the room. The wall behind me cringes with dampness. It is raining outside.
Crying. I am alone. I have my feet drawn under my body for warmth. I am wearing socks, but they,
like the walls, cannot escape the humidity. They make me even colder. Somewhere outside, a dog is
barking up a wrong tree. He thinks there is something in the world for him.

I am alone and sitting in the corner of a dark room, the shade of a tree drenching me in a pool of
silvery blue. Moonlight keeps peeking through the clouds. It will not leave me alone. I keep hearing
the sound of these words resounding in my head. They are all I have... all I have. Aside from my
breathing. That's percussion.

I am sitting in the corner of a room, my feet under me, my face in my hands my cold voice ringing in
my ears. If I don't stop this I will go crazy. If I don't start, I will go crazy, too. These damn socks are
unfulfilled sexual desires. They are supposed to keep me warm, why are my feet still cold?

The Shade House, I name it, my corner pervaded by moonlight on a balcony overlooking a lake that
at night is a swallowing blackness. The curtains breathe in, breathe out, mocking me. They all mock
me! I want coffee and conversation. I want someone to hold my hand. I want a space heater and a
cat and a pull-over sweater. I want to live in the desert.

A streetlight shudders on; the room jiggles like gelatin under its unsteady light. I pick up a swollen
copy of last month's Reader's Digest and throw it against the wall. The noise does not echo like I
want it to, no, it just slides down the white wash panelling and lands with a wet thud. I am biting my
nails. I can hear the lap lap lapping of the water whispering lover's words to the shore. I promise to
stay near, it says. I promise not to retreat. The listlessness of the tide calls to me. I want to believe
it. I want to be in it. I want I want I want.

I have to do something. I am wet already. I think I'll dive right in.